When someone is looking to begin saving a marriage after infidelity, there is good news and some negative news. Fortunately is that no matter how screwed up the relationship is it can be fixed, if you want it bad enough.
If there has been forgiveness during affair recovery and both husband and wife are committed totally to doing whatever it requires to make it work, then after an affair things can get better.
Both parties have to accept and understand that it will take time and work, and that they need to be fully mature in confessing to some of their own drawbacks.
As you read on keep in the back of your mind that the Course in Miracles teaches, “Healing is a sign that you want to make whole. And this willingness opens your ears to the Voice of the Holy Spirit, Whose message is wholeness.”
If you are both at that place and you truly want affair recovery to be positive you have an outstanding possibility of working things out.
The problem is with saving a marriage after infidelity that if the issues are too overwhelming and/or both of you are not willing to do the work and discover healing options, the chances of repairing a relationship after infidelity go way down.
- It is not impossible at this point, but it will be so much harder.
So, step one would be to truthfully evaluate where you and your partner are from time to time and where exactly you might be headed.
Do some severe soul searching and determine if both of you are mature and right-minded enough to face up to the concerns and stick with it long enough.
You will need to greatly consider ‘should you seek help and healing through perhaps marital therapy or some sort of relationship counseling.’
- Go on to the next step if so.
If not, ask yourself why you wish to saving a marriage after infidelity. Often there are times where there is no hope to even begin fixing a broken relationship.
If you aim to start building trust after infidelity without the help of your spouse, it can be extremely simple to fall under the trap of becoming a door mat.
I mean that if the spouse feels that the hurt is so terribly tough to handle, they will not work with you to begin affair recovery.
It is almost a certainty that they might likewise aim to sabotage all the hard work you are attempting to do for rebuilding trust after infidelity.
The next step would be to figure out what other problems and issues the both of you are dealing with, and exactly what action steps to take to even begin saving a marriage after infidelity.
- Do both of you simply seem to have wandered way too far apart?
- Do you now have kids and find it more difficult to actually connect with each other?
When you recognize what the issues you are having truly are then you have a far better chance of handling them effectively and staying married after infidelity.
- Do not let life and all its stress and anxiety try to come in between you.
This is normally not the real problem most of the times, anyway, and it works well as an excuse for bad habits though.
- Determine the genuine problems then collaborate on help for how to survive infidelity.
Often discovering someone to aid in the healing, and instruct and guide you, helping you sort all of it out, can be a miracle.
Finding a marital therapist or counselor can help.
If nothing else, a therapist can function as a sort of referee so the two of you do not get too upset and begin arguing out of control and saying things you may regret later.
- Nothing will ever get worked out if the battling continues.
- You cannot fix anything up until you figure out exactly what is broken.
There is no difference between a broken relationship and a worn out transmission on your automobile, to where I mean, if you do not identify what the problem is, you can’t repair and rebuild your relationship after cheating.
Sometimes there is not enough willingness and readiness for rebuilding trust after infidelity to lend sufficient reason to save a relationship.
Next, let’s look a bit deeper, while keeping in mind that if you do not diagnose exactly what the problem is, you can’t even begin saving a marriage after infidelity.
(I also feel this related article is appropriate and may help that dives into the idea of getting back with your ex and sure ways to rekindle a relationship.)
Can You Save Your Relationship after Cheating
It will be hard however you can save your relationship after an affair.
The discomfort of discovering that your partner has been unfaithful is tremendous and has to be dealt with.
You can move and recuperate on to rebuilding trust after infidelity and ultimately having a fully healed relationship.
If you feel that both of you are truly meant for one another, you need to consider a few things for the affair recovery.
- You may have invested years pulling further and further away, but do you still want each other?
- Take inventory of all the important things you love about your partner.
- Then consider all the things that irritate you.
- The first check list should by all means be longer.
Consider things like do you take pleasure in being with your partner, and does he/she make you laugh and have a sense of warmth?
Then you might want to consider if you share the same objectives and goals and core values, perhaps views on raising the children.
Similar interests and intentions will help take a relationship through the struggling times that every partnership experiences, and on your way to saving a marriage after infidelity.
Is your relationship based upon fairness?
I mean do you and your spouse see each other as respecting of one another and feel equal in every sense right down to the intimacy you share?
You have a fantastic chance of staying married after infidelity while recovering and developing a more powerful bond if you are addressing favorably to these concerns.
In order to avoid another deal with affair recovery and healing after an affair, you have to analyze the aspects that triggered them to even have thoughts of cheating.
- Were you ignoring him/her?
Possibly not knowingly however it is often our better halves that get left at the bottom of the pile as we handle other more pressing circumstances.
You probably cannot have success at saving a marriage after infidelity alone without professional help.
If only to provide someone who will stay along with you toward your objectives and goals as you sort through your concerns.
Yes, someone who cares for each of you individually and wants relationship healing to be successful. It would be practically impossible for a good friend or relative to fulfill this function.
Has your partner cheated before?
If he or she has then I am overly concerned that the opportunities of them staying clean and not being lured to cheating once again are slim.
If this is the first time, perhaps consider that as humans we are ego-based, which is built on fear and self-doubt, often low self-esteem enters the picture, and we as humans make mistakes.
My point is, do not be quick to believe it will automatically take place again.
The Course in Miracles states, “Healing thus becomes a lesson in understanding, and the more you practice it the better teacher and learner you become.”
In order to start saving a marriage after infidelity, you will need to take things gradually and heal slowly, and learn to know each other all over again.
Attempt to let go of the blame and do not toss the cheating episode into every argument, because if both of you desire this to work you must put all your efforts into saving it.
Your shared trust is bound to have actually been harmed so you need to deal with this.
The partner who cheated will need to understand that the other person is going to want to know where they are and who they are with.
You as the other partner must work at being more trusting or you will never heal the relationship after an affair.
Surely it will not be easy, but you can have success at staying married after infidelity and be happy and whole-hearted with one another once again.
In order to affair-proof the relationship, it’s best to take a look at all the factors that caused your spouse to be lured away so it never happens again.
Remember that when it comes getting him/her back in your life, or to saving a marriage after infidelity, there are some great positive outlooks, but also are some ugly negative feelings in the air, too.
The great news is that no matter how untrusting the relationship is it can be healed, that is, of course, if you both are serious and committed enough.
If there has actually been some real and true forgiveness, and both are devoted all the way, to doing whatever it takes to make it work then things can get much better.
In order to recover after an affair you will need to heal gradually and begin seeing newer light in each other.
Both of you truly want this to work so you are going to have to put all the cards on the table and your efforts into saving it.
You as the other partner need to help in rebuilding trust after infidelity by being more trusting yourself, or you will never save the relationship after cheating.
(Please note I also suggest this related article on infidelity in marriage and surviving an affair: Is leaving a relationship the answer, or should you stay?)
To fixing the broken marriage,
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Thank you so much for your support!