Managing loneliness especially when feeling alone too often can be quite disturbing and filled with hurt.
My experience from years of my life and others, loving couples too, is that the majority of the problems from which individuals suffer come from how they handle the events of life.
Of course so, rather than the events themselves.
Tragic and terrible occasions such as loss of enjoyed ones, financial loss, and health issues are exceptionally challenging.
Some individuals handle to move through these events with equanimity. Sure, while others remain stuck in depression, fear, and stress and anxiety.
The difference remains in how people handle deeply agonizing feelings.
I have actually found that there are two core sensations that the majority of people will do practically anything to avoid sensation: solitude and vulnerability.
Isolation is an extreme empty, unfortunate, sinking or burning feeling within.
This feeling alone too often can be triggered by 4 various situations:
- 1) Loss of a loved one.
- 2) Not having a partner, family or friends with whom to share time and love.
- 3) Being around others but being closed off to them, when they are closed off to you.
- 4) Being around others who are also lonely and closed off.
Aside from a terrible loss, the latter is frequently the most tough in everyday life.
As a result, this can take place throughout the day. For instance, you stroll into work open and pleased.
You welcome your lover or spouse and she or he hardly responds to you. If you are truly open up to your own sensations, you will feel a stab of loneliness.
The majority of individuals are so closed off to this feeling alone too often.
I am saying, feeling that they right away attempt to prevent the feeling with some kind of addicting habits.
They may get a few donuts or a pint of ice-cream while blaming or shaming – informing themselves that they must have done something incorrect. Or that their good friend is a jerk.
These addictive behaviors are tailored to safeguard against feeling the discomfort of the solitude. And they work for the minute or so to calm the feeling.
However, the lonely sensation does not actually go away. It just goes deeper within and might eventually trigger physical symptoms, such as pain in the back or some type of disease.
Vulnerability is a similar sensation to loneliness.
It is extreme inner turmoil.
In the example above, not only do you have the stab of loneliness, however you also feel the pain of vulnerability over your spouse or friend’s habits.
Since this is such a difficult feeling, you do not want to know that you can not have control over another or over the result of things.
Self-abandonment takes place when your intent is to avoid pain rather than adoringly attend to your authentic sensations. People then frequently turn to alcohol abuse or drugs to further avoid their feelings.
Handling the feelings of loneliness and vulnerability is not as difficult as you may believe it is. If you practice the following process, you will discover that you do not have to use your different dependencies to avoid pain.
1) When feeling alone too often stay tuned into your body/feelings.
Yes, so that you understand when you are feeling lonely or helpless.
It’s very essential to be able to name the sensation, and it may take some time to acknowledge these sensations because you might have been avoiding them for so long.
2) Welcome the feelings, opening with deep empathy for these sensations of inner turmoil.
If you are connected with a spiritual Source of love and compassion, open up to this Divine Source and request help in remaining in compassion for the sensations.
3) Hold the feelings of helplessness as you would a child who is frightened.
Of course, with deep love and understanding. Simply be with the feelings with deep approval of them for a few minutes.
4) Managing loneliness consciously and be willing to release the feelings is crucial.
Think of the feelings of loneliness and helplessness moving through you and being launched into real inner depths–into Divine Love.
If you practice these steps rather than abandon yourself in the face of agonizing occasions and experiences, you will discover that these agonizing feelings will rapidly release.
If you are genuinely open to your own feelings, you will feel a stab of isolation. A lot of people are so closed off to this sensation that they immediately attempt to prevent the feeling with some kind of addictive behavior.
And they work for the minute to appease the feeling, but the sensation does not really go away.
Loneliness and helplessness is a similar feeling to isolation– extreme inner turmoil.
Self-abandonment occurs when your intent is to avoid pain rather than adoringly participate in to your genuine sensations.
(I also suggest another related article here on: what to do if you feel lonely and thinking; am I destined to be alone in life?)
In the next section let’s explore managing loneliness and feeling better about yourself.
Managing Loneliness when Feeling Alone too Often
The minutes, the hours now felt empty. After the warmth and intimacy of love, my solitude felt like a fantastic abyss that I could not escape.
I do not allow myself to indulge in self-pity– so my next response was to ask “what now?”
Looking back, I saw that I had actually invested so much time and energy in the relationship. I mean that I had actually grown lax about undertaking brand-new projects or satisfying new individuals.
My primary step was to join a Friday evening discussion group at the library. Yes, which I discovered very revitalizing.
I likewise delivered and prepared a few workshops to assist individuals to discover their life function and generate income doing what they enjoyed.
In giving these I again recognized what I had to use the neighborhood (experience, encouragement and insight) and was buoyed by the favorable reaction from individuals.
Everybody feels lonely sometimes.
It’s part of being human!
However we can not manage to end up being immobilized by a sense of seclusion. All of us do want to connect–both to ourselves and to the world around us.
What does your solitude inform you? What is it that you miss out on? You might think that a love partner will fulfill all your requirements.
The intensity that marks the beginning of a relationship does not last; with luck, it will change into something deeper. The two of you will again be drawn into your private lives.
If you do not feel connected to what you are doing or to the people around you, you are likely to feel lonesome once again.
Here are my ideas for dealing with feeling alone too often, loneliness:
Get involved with others to heal loneliness.
Have time on your hands? Deal your services at a soup kitchen, read stories to kids, or play joyful tunes on the piano at the senior citizens’ residence. What do you know or are good at?
Maybe you can do like me and provide a workshop in your area of rising above adversity.
When you offer easily of yourself–and you will receive love and gratitude in return, there’s no space for solitude.
If you’re a computer system buff, there are communities of individuals on the Net who want to share their interests, from dating to rug hooking. Especially for the housebound, regular e-mail good friends can be an excellent solace.
Do something you love to turn away feelings of helplessness.
To begin managing loneliness do limit your television viewing, push yourself off the sofa and take part in something that you truly enjoy!
Possibly you have not roller-skated in years and going to the local rink makes you come alive. Bake your favorite pie and share it with a good friend, or find out how to do the lambada.
The problem is that a number of us don’t ALLOW ourselves to do what we enjoy. We inform ourselves, I’ll do it when … (I fulfill the love of my life, end up being more effective, end up all these tasks).
Do it NOW and you will feel better for it.
When feeling alone too often connect with nature.
When I go for a long walk by the ‘Tuscy’ River in my hometown, I never ever feel lonesome. I have a thing for water; ocean, lake or streams.
Feel your connection to nature– whether you plant a row of petunias or take a leisurely walk in the park.
Journal for self-expression when experiencing inner turmoil.
When there’s nobody around to speak to, and I feel the need, I journal in a small notebook in longhand. Yes, for those of you who know my story realize that is how my book series started from a prison cell.
It is about letting much deeper sensations and ideas emerge from my subconscious. I write about my preoccupations along with my hopes and fears.
Doing it on a routine basis will give you clearness and focus. It’s a great way to link with your inner self.
Realize that you are NOT alone.
Do you know that the majority of the world is feeling lonesome at this very minute?
Consider the new neighbor on your street, a foreign trainee in your class, or the guy who just joined your business. Each of them questions how he or she will meet new people. Be the very first to offer a warm welcome.
Whatever your faith or beliefs, connecting with a Supreme Divinity through prayer or meditation will also resolve feelings of seclusion.
As we both seen ‘kayakers’ ride the rapids, we struck up a discussion–ranging from our experience with water sports. Sure, to where we grew up and what we took pleasure in about the waterside.
I’ve discovered to appreciate the little exchanges that make life so much fuller.
Isolation and feeling alone too often makes me feel conscious and painfully alive that I can not pay to get complacent. It compels me to do more, to be more.
And that isn’t such a bad thing, is it?
If you do not feel connected to what you are doing or to the individuals around you it’s time for change.
I mean because if you fear change, you are likely to feel lonely once again.
I never ever feel lonely when I go for a long walk by the river or at my favorite beach or lake. Do you know that many of the world is feeling lonesome at this very moment?
Solitude makes me feel painfully alive and aware that I can not manage to get complacent.
(I recommend another related article about: How to let go of Feeling Lonely and Sad:)
To finding happiness forever,
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