How to be intimate and feel complete recommends the capacity to create real intimacy in married life or significant other relationships.

Real intimate love begins to create in early stages of the relationship, and even in us individually from a young age.

Such connections are not fate, yet they are supposed to develop deeply-rooted patterns of connecting to others.

Relationships in trouble result for several factors. Likewise, also the failing of a connection is typically a resource of nagging mindful suffering.

That sensation, preserved over the long term can lead relationships to severe problems.

How to be Intimate where Fear is brought to Love

Let’s take a look at sex as unity or wholeness of mind.

A sexual interaction is about as close to total oneness that we can ever experience while we identify ourselves as a body.

But being obsessed with having sexual experiences has a way of keeping the truth about love and fear from one’s awareness. Every interaction we have in this world generates either love or fear.

There is nothing else.

But when the focus is on sex one’s ability to experience love or fear is reduced, or even incapacitated. The obsession itself becomes the cover, or the hiding place.

Remember, as I discussed in book 2 of my ever-developing series, Mastering Your Own Spiritual Freedom, we want to bring fear to love.

Yes, bring the ego which is based on fear and doubt to our true Light, which is the Holy Spirit.

The Holy Spirit of God is your presence and power.

With your acknowledgement of this you will draw the unreal to you until it vanishes before you. This is why when your ego-based wrong-mindedness shifts to right-mindedness, it fades away.

As the fear and doubt of the ego approach the true light of who you are, fear fades, and how to be intimate becomes wonderful.

This is why I urge you to seek out some form of couples therapy to bring the fear to the light so it may fade away. I suggest a great video here for either enhancing or saving saving a relationship.

Think about  fear of love for a moment. 

When you are fearful of something, but honestly feel you have come up with a truthful resolution to the cause of the fear, doesn’t the fear begin to subside?

This is how a right-minded thought will dissipate the cloud cover of a wrong-minded thought with its light of truth.

Even the excitement that accompanies a potential sexual interaction is hidden in the projected images.

I’m saying, on the theater screen in your mind where the images are played out in this world.  This separates you from the individual to whom you feel attracted.

This experience of sexual attraction is illusory.

Why?

It is an unreal or false nature giving you the experience which is fearful.

Let me rephrase this and say, it is an unreal attraction because it’s only of the body, which is a projected image itself.

The hunt for a potential sexual partner is accompanied by a shock of excitement that is out of proportion to the occasion.

That individual might be someone you don’t know or someone you’ve known for a long time.

For you men, let’s say she is that “blond bombshell” you’ve always imagined.

And now here she is all decked out in revealing, seductive clothing, while she carries a sensual and flirtatious fashion about herself.

What goes on inside you when she walks into your presence?

While you’re answering this question don’t allow the ego to be sneaky here. Do not let the ego come in through the side door on you. Yes, I mean, trying to convince you this being male hormones in action as they are aroused.

The hormones are the body which you illusively made. But what really are your first thoughts of this incredible gorgeous woman who has you excited?

My point is, if you are obsessed with sexual thoughts most always, suddenly when her luring smile enters the room you have an excitement with the idea of sex.

Likewise, this excitement is intense but not necessarily a means for how to be intimate truly.

For the man who was caught off guard when she entered the scene, this type of sexual attraction is a defense against the most painful experience in the dream of fantasy.

We can say this is the sensation of being powerless. It’s the frightening feeling of being unloved and unlovable.

It is the fear of being discovered at your innermost self, to be inadequate and ugly; the fear of being rejected and alone.

The more intense the fear becomes, there is no willingness to embrace it. Therefore, the obsession with sex is projected to be stronger.

An illusory sexual attraction is an unwillingness to experience the truth about you. But the pain of this fear of love is really seen by your real self.

(I also suggest another related article on: Is fear of commitment in relationships healthy or not?) 

This is why the ego will try to keep its focus with the body, and pleasure is sought for, there.

Take a look at what A Course in Miracles ever so poignantly states, where we can learn through contemplation about similar experiences:

• “The home of vengeance is not yours; the place you set aside to house your hate is not a prison, but an illusion of yourself. The body is a limit imposed on the universal communication that is eternal property of mind. 

The Course in Miracles adds:

• “But the communication is internal. Mind reaches to itself. It is not made up of different parts, which reach each other… there is nothing else, anywhere or ever”.

How to be Intimate Truly with the Bombshell can’t Happen  

The individual I previously described is in acute pain from the illusion of her needs.

She is imprisoned by feelings of hate and inadequacy. Some see a need in pleasing others and feed their sexual obsession for this reason.

Others have violent fantasies and explosive anger. And some see their lives as empty and lonely. They are resentful and bitter.

The pain of each individual is a reflection of his or her life, and the decisions that he or she has made. But the depth of the pain of anyone in the grip of an illusory sexual encounter is great.

The body seems to be real and outside of our mind, but seems to surround who we truly are. That said, shutting us off from the others and keeping us apart from them, as well as from ourselves.

But the body is only the image and is really not there at all. There is no barrier between God and who we are, except for in illusions, or, fantasy.

The pain is not reached by an individual except when it erupts into his life. She pushes it away except when despair or resentment floods her own awareness.

These types of individual’s lives are a series of eruptions and floods between which they find themselves craving sex and searching for sexual partners.

A result would be that truly being intimate never surfaces.

Others may withdraw in rage or despair. Some dive into the drama of their experiences and others try to numb themselves to what they feel.

The crux of the matter is they cannot rest from thoughts of sex. They move from one encounter to the next.

Each sexual experience brings only temporary relief from their craving, and it quickly returns. No amount of sexual activity can satisfy it.

That is because their craving is not truly for sex. It is for something deeper, more significant, and more difficult for them to obtain, they think.

The ego calls this individual a sexual addict. But it is not the sex he or she is addicted to. Rather, it is the illusion itself that sex offers.

But sex in the light of who you truly are is so more wondrous than when operating from darkness. Agree?

Yes, it is your real light of divine Self when there are playful loving moments during sex, which is truly “making love.”

Again, wouldn’t you agree, certainly how to be intimate?

Real love making is not an obsession, it is real and complete from within our truest essence!

Yet, some people are actually obsessed with the illusion that this type activity will find them unity, and, of course, love.

The experiences of this type of sexual attraction can be continual and intense, occupying almost every thought.

Or, the experiences may be portrayed in some thought in the background of awareness, and only activated by the appearance of a potential sexual partner.

For example, shopping at the grocery store like in the produce section, say, exotic fruits, where suddenly a potential partner brushes against you in a busy or crowded shopping aisle.

A sexual thought is triggered, but is not intimate love.

The Course in Miracles gives us additional fruit for contemplation in this lesson:

• “Yet love must be forever like itself, changeless forever, and forever without alternative. And so it is. You cannot put a barrier around yourself, because God placed none between Himself and you”.

He sees a potential partner as someone who holds the answer to his most difficult question. She appears to be the substance that he needs to fill his empty life.

She needs qualities that he appears to have that might make her complete.

These addicts go from one individual to another on a never-ending search for sexual satisfaction. Likewise, hoping each time that the next partner will be their salvation.

But will it ever?

(Here’s a related relationship healing article helps us see that: either no one bothers to work on mending a broken relationship, or they give up far too soon…) 

To success in life and love,

James Nussbaumer

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