The love and hate relationship right here for you to see!
Here’s a fun story I’ve told before early on in my book series about conscious steps for understanding a love/hate relationship.
You know that wonderful feeling we have toward each other in the beginning.
OH yes, but then in due time we get caught up in confused feelings over why we’re in the relationship.
So let me say, except this time I share it in a different way to help us shift out of our darkened ego-based thought and into the light the Holy Spirit provides us.
Thereby, as you absorb this article for your benefit keep in mind this spiritual principle from A Course in Miracles:
- Unreal or fake consciousness is correctly identified as the domain of the ego. The ego is a wrong-minded attempt to perceive yourself as you wish to be, rather than as you are.
Speaking of the love and hate relationship, Eve just returned home from a long day and thought she’d relax for a while as she waits for Adam’s return from the jungle.
As he walks in the door he goes straight for the sofa, tired, but content.
Adam has much he wants to tell her this evening. As he removes his shoes he yawns and stretches his arms back behind his head, then kicks up his feet onto the coffee table.
Adam is talking about his day as Eve continues to head into the kitchen for some wine.
She brings two glasses and the wine bottle to Adam for him to open. She knows he likes to open the cork and savor its aroma.
He’s wearing the shirt she picked out for him as a special gift a few weeks ago. In fact, she loves the mischievous air it lends him.
He takes life so seriously. Eve loves these times, when he’s relaxed and lets himself go in conversation.
Adam is trying to relieve the stress his tree-cutting business often places on him. Being tired of course helps.
He rambles on about a situation at the job site today where twelve trees severely needed trimming, but only eleven of the twelve trees on that property did his company trim.
It seems the owner of the land insisted that the big old apple tree in the center of the property remain untouched.
Eve doesn’t find the subject particularly interesting, but at least he’s talking and opening up to her.
He’s relating and she notices his stress level reducing. She gives him another moment.
Again, speaking of the love and hate relationship.
While he talks, she advances toward the sofa, feeling lustful and sensual. She has a spontaneous urge to kiss him right there and interrupts his verbiage, just to celebrate the moment.
For once, she decides to initiate foreplay instead of him all the time, a responsibility he complains about bitterly. Now is her chance to surprise him.
Adam is watching her from the corner of his eye and smiles, while taking the glasses of wine and setting them on the table. He responds to her first kiss with visible pleasure.
But the more she insists to go further, the worse it gets. She definitely senses that he’s uneasy. She feels his entire body stiffening, as if refusing any further involvement.
He’s still smiling, but his face is frozen. He has stopped talking and reaches for his wine.
Adam is visibly uneasy, and Eve can’t figure it out. But she thinks maybe she can, and tries to, because she doesn’t like the vibes she’s getting.
The truth is that when she initiates foreplay, it never goes very far.
It seems it’s never the right time, and he may even say he has a headache. Eve would think part of him is still a little boy afraid of his mother, and he wants nothing to do with her.
But, oh, how she’d love to send her little darling back to her all wrapped up and labeled “damaged goods.”
(I want to recommend another article which you may want to absorb for your situation: Signs your Love Relationship is Breaking Up can Leave you Feeling Lost.)
Have You Ever Experienced the Love and Hate Relationship?
On the other side of things if we look at this picture from how Adam is projecting it, we see it a little bit lop-sided.
Eve had already been home before Adam, and as he walks in the door her scent is in the air blending with the warmth the late afternoon sun sends through the open windows accompanied by a gentle autumn breeze.
She looks lovely with her hair tied back. She asks him in a sensual tone if he’d like some wine, and of course he accepts.
He loves it when she’s in this type of mood and caters to his every need and whim. At times like these, life is beautiful. Adam feels lucky to be pampered in so many special ways.
He feels special.
While Eve goes to the kitchen, Adam talks about everything and anything just to make her laugh, because he knows she likes the chatter.
As he’s talking, he suddenly feels the urge to make love to her. But, ahh, … if she’d only make the first move, which she hardly ever does, then he’d heat right up to her.
But what luck, there she is offering herself to him in a kinky way, and fantasy has now become reality. But something is wrong. Is her intensity way too exaggerated?
Such forward behavior feels cheap and upsets him. It’s as if her life depended on it, as if any man could satisfy her now.
The love and hate relationship in full play here.
She has set her glass on the table and cuddles up, kissing him.
Now she is begging him to say, “I love you.” He thinks maybe he should make a recording of those words so she can listen to it all day long.
The situation is beginning to get on his nerves. Is it sex she wants or love? Where does the need for affection come from? He is confused.
It’s a need so great, it seems that he dares not get too close for fear of being controlled like a puppy dog. He quickly passes a thought, a thought he’s had before. “Didn’t she have a father?”
After about the seventh kiss, Adam stretches out an arm to get his glass of wine. He hopes his uneasiness has gone unnoticed but knowing her intuition he can never be certain.
Spilling his wine on the rug is a thought he thinks might be a solution, but on second thought Adam decides to go to the bathroom to compose him and stall for some time hoping for a new attitude.
Now, by this time, Eve is thinking he is running away again, but this time she won’t run after him. She’s had enough of this male indifference.
Enough of acting like a nice girl. Enough of making his favorite meals and fulfilling his bedroom fantasies, in exchange for the affection never given.
Eve’s anger begins to mount, and she decides to give him the silent treatment. What she wants to say seems too awful, too vicious.
Five minutes ago, she wanted to kiss him, but now she wants to get even. If only he’d come out of the bathroom.
In this love and hate relationship now let’s take a look at Adam’s thought process as he stalls for time in the bathroom.
He reproaches himself for an attitude. “After all, she did all of that just to please me.” If he’d follow her initiative for once … If he’d give her the love she expects, it would end the petty war of the past few days.
So, he returns to the living room full of good intentions.
He finds her distant, cold, snappy, and all curled up at the end of the sofa. He’s now thinking of her as a “Jekyll and Hyde.” His good intentions have just been dissolved. He quickly thinks to himself, “If it’s war she wants, then that’s what she’ll get.”
He won’t be manipulated like this!
Besides, ever since she’s been visiting that snake of a therapist and begun to assert her, it seems the problems have only increased.
Nothing gets by her.
Then she starts one of her tirades on commitment and his blood curdles. He swallows a gulp of wine to calm down, but it tastes like vinegar.
In a flash he seems to have grasped the heart of the problem. She’s nothing but an inconsiderate, jealous little brat!
Everything she touches she tries to dominate.
Another ruined evening, and he’s only one thought in mind, which is to leave.
He tries to interrupt to tell her, but she takes the words right out of his mouth. “I suppose you want to leave again,” she blurts. “Perhaps you think I’m disturbed? Or that I am disturbing to you?” She continues, “Besides, do you honestly think other women are any different?
After all, we’re all sisters, isn’t that what you once told me? Did you think I forgot?” Now she goes for the jugular, “Do you really think another woman would put up with your crap?
Look at yourself, you’re pathetic!”
(When you are finished here, I suggest another related article all about: Here’s why real intimacy in your love life brings forth miraculous happiness and what you desire from the relationship…)
What I’ve Just Described is the Special Love Relationship
I go into deep detail about the “special relationship” in my ever-developing book series.
This is how it seems to go on and on, again and again. The song of blame and accusations.
The tune will escalate. Doors will slam. Somebody will leave and return. A revolving door. There will be a few screams, a few tears, bitterness on both sides, contrition, a little kiss, a peck, and on a good night there will be makeup sex.
In a few days, or a week or so, it will begin all over again. Sound familiar?
I know, you’re probably thinking that this only happens in your living room. Sorry to disappoint you, but it happens everywhere around the world. Of course, you will add your own touch just as I have done before.
In some areas around the world there is physical attack, even murder, to go along with the verbal abuse. But in general, the scenario doesn’t vary that much.
Sometimes you’d think that human love relationships follow a predetermined program.
She says that she’s ready for a man who is capable of commitment. Or does this mean she has a chain she’s anxious to use?
She wants him to give her what her father never could. But the fear of such expectation is too much, particularly because he has no idea what intimacy is, either with others or himself.
He understands power, fame, mechanics, and ideas. But emotions are something else. He lacks the main ingredient in this love recipe, the ingredient she claims to have herself.
As a result, he feels worthless at the emotional level.
He feels guilty for not responding to her lifelong dream and knows he cannot adequately fit the expected role.
She’s unhappy for not being able to make him happy, no matter how much she tries to help him become the prince charming of her dreams.
He feels controlled, manipulated, forced to be what he’s not. He felt the same confusion around his mother, who always wished him to be a prince.
It is a replay of the same old dream. She has the same grip on him without realizing it. She doesn’t realize what a burden her dream is.
He has no idea of the weight of his demands, nor his negligence. He’s not aware of his behavior being the cost he makes her pay for her dream.
This is how he manipulates her, making her try so hard to reach him. This is how it slowly becomes unbearable. For her, it’s as though she waits for him and follows him.
And for him, who is silent, he runs away.
All their actions betray what they hope to obtain from each other, and both are deceived.
Each of them, individually, keeps up the same game, anyway, be it maliciously, to see how far the other will go before giving up the dream.
They go on out of hopelessness, and when they do finally have enough of the maneuvers, when they have sufficiently trampled each other, and have used up their entire arsenal, they will break up in disgust.
She will say she has once more been taken for a ride and was abused. He will say he’s once again fallen into the same trap. Both will suffer because this didn’t work out.
For centuries, partners in the special love relationship have danced to this same old broken record.
(Be sure to check out another related article on healing the love relationship: Conserve the Marriage Now and Have Miraculous Relationship Advice for Keeps.)