Does the Worry of Rejection Control Your Life?
Mark looked for help because he wanted to get married and have children, yet the relationship of his dreams appeared to elude him.
When I initially listened to Mark he was an appealing, innovative, brilliant and successful businessman in his middle 40’s. Mark was baffled.
When I initially began listening deeper to him, he was very quiet. It felt like pulling teeth to get him to share anything with me, specifically his sensations.
He remained in his head, fantastic in his capability to articulate, but flat and unemotional. Mark’s dialogue was thoroughly planned out and provided.
He appeared to constantly be tense and filled with anxiousness.
It was extremely hard to get in touch with him.
Often most all of us just need to look within ourselves and accept who we truly are to the inner-most-core.
As you hear my tone today please keep in mind this spiritual metaphysical principle from the Course in Miracles:
- “If you accept this change, you have accepted the idea of making room for truth.”
BTW… When you’re finished here I suggest another related article helping many on: when our Higher Awareness encourages us, how to stop fear is not so difficult.
” Mark, something seems to be in the way of your spontaneity. Are you familiar with how carefully you choose your words?”
” There should be a great factor you do this. Do you understand what that is?”.
” I do not want to state the wrong thing. I do not wish to make a fool of myself.”.
” And what are you scared will happen if you state the incorrect thing or make a fool of yourself?
” I will be turned down.”.
” So most of the time in discussion your objective is to prevent rejection?”.
” Yes. I’m terrified of rejection. I will do anything to avoid it.”.
” Hey pal, what are you informing yourself it suggests if someone declines you?”.
” It implies that they do not like me due to the fact that I’m inadequate and not worthy.”.
” So in your mind, everybody, particularly appealing females, have the power to specify your adequacy and worth?”.
” Yeah, I think so.”.
” So when you are with females, your objective is to have control over how they feel about you so they will not reject you. You seem to get declined over and over.
” Mark, how old do you feel when you are being so careful about what you say? How old were you when you started to do this?”.
” I guess when I was about 16 or so, when I began being interested in ladies. I wanted to make certain that I made an excellent impression.”.
” What made you believe that they wouldn’t like you if you were just you?”.
” Well, for one thing my older sibling was constantly putting me down, telling me I was a dork.”.
” So you learned to think that you were not all right for who you truly are– that you had to pretend to be other than you are?”.
” Yes, I think that’s right. I always feel that I need to impress people.”.
” Mark, when you then get rejected, aren’t they rejecting your produced ego self instead of your real, genuine Self? Isn’t it your wounded years of age ego-based dialogue that is insufficient, instead of your fantastic, imaginative, funny, successful and spiritual Self?
Aren’t you attempting to hide your real Self because you decided, from many early experiences such as that with your sibling, that you are naturally insufficient?”.
” Yes, I do not believe that who I really am is good enough. So I always have to be careful about what I say.”.
We must quit putting ourselves in the dumps with terrible inner dialogue.
You invest so much energy trying to conceal him, squashing him down in your efforts to avoid rejection. If you were to really get to know and appreciate who you actually are, you would stop worrying about rejection!
As my friend did the inner work to recover his essence of Grandeur, his real Self, his fears of rejection slowly reduced.
And, of course, when he was able to be genuine instead of controlled and controlling, whatever in his life altered, including his relationships with females. After two years of satisfying dating, my good friend found the woman of his dreams.
Mark needed someone to talk to due to the fact that he wanted to get wed and have kids, yet the relationship of his dreams appeared to elude him.
When I initially met this nice gut, he was an appealing, innovative, fantastic and successful businessman thinking he was too old to go any further.
I remember a sense of relief on his face when again we discussed when you then get declined, aren’t they declining your projected ego self rather than your real, authentic Self?
As my now happy friend did the inner work to reclaim his lovely essence, his true Self, his worries of rejection gradually decreased.
After quality time of dating, Mark discovered the female of his dreams.
I want to suggest another related article on: our notions of living in fear during the the dream of life in this world?
All my best,
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